Why do people seek approval?

Short Answer

People seek approval to feel accepted, maintain social connections, boost self-esteem, reduce anxiety, and because approval from others was essential for survival throughout human evolution.

Detailed Explanation

Background

Seeking approval is a fundamental human behavior that influences many of our decisions and actions. From choosing what to wear to making career decisions, the desire for approval shapes how we present ourselves and interact with others. While seeking approval is natural and often helpful, excessive approval-seeking can lead to people-pleasing, loss of authenticity, and anxiety. Understanding why we seek approval helps us balance this need with being true to ourselves. This behavior is closely related to Why do people seek validation?, as both involve seeking external confirmation.

Research in psychology shows that approval-seeking evolved because social acceptance was crucial for survival—being rejected by the group could mean death. Today, while the stakes are lower, approval still feels important for our well-being and self-esteem. By understanding these motivations, we can seek approval more consciously and develop healthier relationships with others' opinions. Understanding Why do people conform? reveals how social pressure drives approval-seeking, and Why do people have low self-esteem? helps explain why some people seek excessive approval.

Scientific Explanation

People seek approval for several psychological reasons:

1. Social acceptance: Approval from others signals acceptance and belonging, fulfilling fundamental human needs for connection.

2. Self-esteem: Approval boosts self-esteem and makes us feel valued, competent, and worthy.

3. Anxiety reduction: Gaining approval reduces anxiety about rejection, criticism, or social exclusion.

4. Evolutionary advantage: Throughout human evolution, group acceptance was essential for survival, making approval-seeking adaptive.

5. Identity validation: Approval validates our identity, choices, and way of being, confirming that we're okay.

6. Social navigation: Approval helps us navigate social situations and understand how we're being received by others.

Real Examples

• Someone seeks approval from their boss by working extra hours and taking on additional projects to feel valued and secure.

• A person seeks approval from friends by conforming to group norms and avoiding behaviors that might lead to rejection.

• Someone seeks approval from parents by choosing a career path they approve of rather than following their own interests.

• A person seeks approval on social media by posting content they think others will like rather than being authentic.

• Someone seeks approval from peers by avoiding expressing opinions that might be controversial or unpopular.

Practical Application

How to Apply

To balance approval-seeking with authenticity:

1. Recognize approval-seeking patterns: Notice when you're seeking approval and what triggers this behavior.

2. Understand your motivations: Reflect on why approval matters to you and what needs it's fulfilling.

3. Develop self-approval: Work on developing internal validation and self-approval rather than relying solely on external approval.

4. Set boundaries: Learn to say no and set boundaries even when it might lead to disapproval.

5. Practice authenticity: Make choices based on your values and needs rather than always seeking others' approval.

6. Accept some disapproval: Recognize that you can't please everyone and that some disapproval is normal and okay.

7. Choose whose approval matters: Decide whose approval is important to you and focus on those relationships rather than seeking universal approval.

How to Understand Others

When others seek approval:

• Their approval-seeking often reflects fundamental needs for acceptance and belonging rather than weakness.

• Understanding that approval-seeking is natural helps you respond with empathy rather than judgment.

• People seek approval for various reasons, and their behavior reflects their needs and insecurities.

• Recognizing that everyone seeks approval helps you provide validation when appropriate while also encouraging authenticity.