Why do people break promises?

Short Answer

People break promises due to overcommitment, changing priorities, difficulty saying no, fear of conflict, inability to predict future circumstances, or lack of planning.

Detailed Explanation

Background

Broken promises are common and can damage trust, relationships, and reputations. While breaking promises is often viewed as a character flaw, research shows that most people break promises not out of malicious intent but due to psychological factors like overcommitment, poor planning, or changing circumstances. Understanding why people break promises helps us make better commitments, keep our promises more effectively, and respond more constructively when others break theirs. Broken promises damage trust, which can be rebuilt by learning How to build trust?.

Research in psychology and behavioral economics reveals that people often overestimate their ability to keep promises and underestimate future obstacles. By understanding these patterns, we can make more realistic commitments, plan better, and build stronger trust in our relationships. This understanding also helps us respond more empathetically when promises are broken while still holding people accountable. Understanding Why do people lie? reveals how fear of disappointing others can lead to making promises that can't be kept, and Why do people avoid making decisions? shows how difficulty with commitment can contribute to broken promises.

Scientific Explanation

People break promises for several reasons:

1. Overcommitment: People often say yes to too many things, making promises they can't realistically keep.

2. Optimism bias: We tend to be overly optimistic about our future ability to fulfill commitments, underestimating obstacles.

3. Difficulty saying no: Fear of disappointing others or conflict leads people to make promises they can't keep.

4. Changing priorities: What seemed important when making a promise may become less important over time.

5. Unpredictable circumstances: Life events, emergencies, or unexpected situations can make it impossible to keep promises.

6. Lack of planning: Failing to plan or prepare adequately makes it difficult to fulfill commitments.

Real Examples

• Someone promises to help a friend move but breaks the promise because they overcommitted to multiple things that weekend.

• A person promises to quit smoking but breaks the promise because they underestimated how difficult it would be.

• Someone makes a promise to avoid conflict or disappointment, even though they know they can't keep it.

• A person promises to attend an event but breaks the promise when a work emergency arises.

• Someone makes a promise when they're in a good mood but breaks it later when their priorities or circumstances change.

Practical Application

How to Apply

To keep promises more effectively:

1. Be realistic: Only make promises you're confident you can keep, considering potential obstacles and your existing commitments.

2. Plan ahead: Think through what's needed to fulfill a promise and plan accordingly.

3. Learn to say no: Practice saying no to requests you can't realistically fulfill rather than making promises you'll break.

4. Communicate early: If you realize you can't keep a promise, communicate this as early as possible rather than waiting until the last minute.

5. Set priorities: Regularly evaluate your commitments and prioritize what's most important.

6. Build in buffers: Allow extra time and resources when making commitments to account for unexpected obstacles.

How to Understand Others

When someone breaks a promise:

• They may have overcommitted, faced unexpected obstacles, or struggled with planning rather than intentionally breaking the promise.

• Understanding that promise-breaking often stems from psychological factors helps you respond more constructively.

• People who break promises may need help learning to make more realistic commitments rather than just criticism.

• Recognizing that circumstances can change helps you balance accountability with understanding when promises are broken.